It's okay to not know your future right away

In May of 2012 I was 18, on the verge of graduation and a large burden weighing on my shoulders, constricting my chest and driving in a heavy state of anxiety that I couldn't even identify at the time. During my final Choral concert before graduation, the 12th grade students of the choir were asked asked to come forward one by one and state their goals for the following year and a cold rush went through me, my thoughts were rushed with, what do I say? I have no plans, no idea what I want my future to look like.

So I settled to tell them the truth, the crowd of heavily judgemental, and overly proud PTA parents, the scared and not ready underclassmen and my teachers, that I didn't know what I wanted to do besides go home in time enough to prepare for school and work following that next day, because for my sanity I had to focus on the right now because my still unidentified anxiety was threatening to make me faint on stage if I tried to BS a plan on the spot.

I dabbled in different areas of formal art my whole life, drawing, writing, singing, acting, all of it. I knew I wanted to do something performance related, my youngest dream was to be like Brittany Spears (she was big when I was five okay?) but as I grew I watched, read, and learned of the dark world big name artists can sometimes fall into, and well I was never really one to follow the crowd, so I tried my hand at several other ways to preform in a safer, less potentially detrimental environment. I also knew that mechanical, and technological items peaked my curiosity, given enough to time with any technological object now and I can have it at least partially figured out with minimal help or guidance. But I didn't know how to combine my passion with my curiosity until one day when I was sitting around at church board out of my mind while my mother and her team practiced.

They needed sound help and I was there, the extra set of hands, willing to help in whatever capacity I could, I ran back to the sound board which I played with before one or two Sundays with my youth group buddy. I was familiar with certain dials and faders and could at least over some sort bandaid until the actual tech arrived. When the Tech arrived, he was surprised to see me manning the board unsupervised. I stepped aside and let him take over but later on he asked if I'd be willing to be an extra set of hands for the sound team as well. I agreed to join the team.

He taught me all the basics of running the board, I helped him set up and tear down the stage during a rough transition period we had had for a couple years and then helped him set it up one last time when we found our current building this last year.

Around November of last year my mother really pushed for me and my sister to at least look in to getting a degree in something, to further our careers. Now up until that point I had looked in Full Sail University in the past, they had me on file as an interested party and occasionally checked in with me when I found my way back to their homepage. I had found myself there again. When the friendly student liaison contacted me, he talked me into at least looking at their accelerated Audio Production Bachlors Degree program. So I did, I decided it was for me and now I'm here.

It's October of 2017, I'm a full blown Student entering into my Sophomore 'year' (I use the term loosely here) and I haven't regretted this decision in the slightest. I want those of you that do read this, whether you've already decided your path, or are still trying to figure it out. it's okay to not know your future...that's what life is all about isn't? Finding your passion? Continuing to grow or seeking more knowledge. I encourage you to do just that reader, continue growing and changing, seek more knowledge and never let anyone tell you otherwise.